What would it take for you to answer the call of your muse? What is she asking of you? What does she promise? Who do you become when you show up to your inspiration? Listen to muse to nurture your magic.

I sent the kids to school this morning and instead of heading into my usual routine, I jumped in the car and took myself and our dog, Gracie, to where Muse said I had to go.

Happy May Day! Happy Beltane! Happy workers day! 

To be honest, I’ve been hearing the call to take myself out on an artist date for a long while. Muse has been telling me I gotta go meet her out in nature when the kids are at school sometimes. And I sadly have been declining her invitation. I’ve been “too busy” to do that. “Too much is going on” in order for me to go for it. 

But this is the very thing that I need to do in order to be more grounded, less depressed, more in touch with my life force, and most importantly, a better mama.

This morning, the urge to go out into the woods was so strong. And that harsh feeling that I’ve been carrying, of not being fulfilled, was undeniable, and unbearable.

I was either going to stay loyal to my routine, the mundane rhythm of the everyday, to the work that I tell myself I have to get done before heading over to pick up the kids from school – and by that loyalty keep digging the hole of overly routinized adulthood, which keeps me confined and depressed – OR listen to Muse, which sounded like the voice of big picture wisdom, and break the spell of sadness I was under, opening the path for the direction that I want my life to go.

My Muse wears wings and looks like a child, except for when she’s a drop of rain resting on a leaf, and sparkling in the sunlight.

I won’t lie, I felt guilty taking the morning off and going after those sparkly dragonfly wings that pulled me from within toward a muddy trail, under light rain, to brush against wet plants, to smell soaked sage in clear, crisp air, to listen to a wide range of birdsong and leaves rustling in the wind. 

I also felt that if I keep hearing the voice of inspiration, but ignore it because I have to work and get shit done, I am a total hypocrite. I speak about ant-capitalism, but chain myself to my own capitalistic programming. I write about inspiration, but then ignore it when it asks me to dance. I say that I want to take better care of myself, to make life more pleasurable, and tend to my own practices of self love, but in reality, I don’t tend to my own true practices of self care, always with the feeling that I don’t have time for it. What a hypocrite! 

And so the voice of the wild spoke, and I listened, and onto the rain soaked soil I stepped, into conversations with flowers, deep into communion with trees, and profoundly into a turning point in my relationship to life.

It’s Beltane! It’s a day, or a phase in the season, that asks us to presence pleasure. It’s also workers day, which is rooted in what capitalism fears most; a socialist perspective, an honoring of the workers, of the people. 

I know it’s a great privilege to be able to take off like that the way I did this morning. That’s probably part of why I felt guilty doing it. But when we block our own joy, limit our engagement in life as a precious gift, we don’t really serve anyone. 

I put my forehead against the root of an old oak that grows in the side of the hill I was climbing. There’s plenty of nourishing soil there, but the roots also break into rock, and reach in ways that seem so tenacious, and remind me that giving up is not an option. Maybe it is an option. But is it the option I want to choose? 

My forehead kissed the roots, I leaned my body into the hillside, and into all the materials that composed that form that I was connecting with. A vision came. I saw into the root system all the way down into the darkness. It was a strong vision. It felt like a message. I kept listening. 

Deeper down it took me, and I could see beneath the roots and further into soil and rock. I kept following it down, and I could see layers and feel the warmth of the core emanating toward me. I could keep going, all the way into magma, all the way into the molten core of the earth, into the liquid heat of my own core. 

And then the tree roots called me back and said to travel up the tree trunk and branch out. Go out into the air, go be with the leaves and the birds for a while. Go toward the sunlight. Go to the blossoms. You’ve spent lots of time in the dark. The underworld will always be your home. Now go reach for something more. And I looked up and the tree was so alive. And the message felt so clear.

Toward the end of my journey I needed to pee again, and I knew that I could hold it till I got home, but I love peeing in the woods, so I went for it one more time. And as I squatted down, my butt brushed against what I think was Stinging Nettle. Ouch! I’m still feeling it; my left buttcheek is throbbing. I laughed so hard at myself. I’m laughing as I write this. 

Every rose has its thorn. Our moments of inspiration – as we dance through our liberation, as we free ourselves to feel joy and open up to delighting in life, while also doing the serious work of homemaking and making a living, of social justice and earth protection – are portals into the understanding, the recognition, that life weaves together pleasure and pain. 

It’s time for me to stop stopping myself. It’s time to let some joy in. It’s time to follow the songs of Muse. It’s time to let myself be more free. And that doesn’t mean that I won’t be feeling life’s sting on my (ass) skin,

How about you? Are there any places of confinement within you that you are ready to liberate yourself from? What are your fears? What are the stinging nettles that stop you from freeing your mind, heart, and body? Who are the bees that you are so afraid of being stung by, that  stop yourself from reaching for honey? 

I am not sure, because who knows what leads us where, but I think that all the Beltane prep work that I did, all the writing, and the recording of the Somatic Ceremony that I put out there, the prompts that I wrote, and the immersion in the teachings and metaphors, brought me to this place today that felt like a huge liberating force, a turning point.   

I hope it does the same for you! 

Sign up for the Beltane Somatic Ceremony and immerse yourself in this phase of Spring, in the depth and the joy and the creativity that pulses within you, waiting to be tapped into, played with, and engaged in. All the details are here. It’s a deep dive and an artistic, soulful expedition through inspiration, an exploration of self, society, past, present, future, planet, and pleasure. 

Sending you so much love,

Hagar